- Clay Aiken
A week ago, one of my friends had a facebook status about children with special needs and how people need to understand and accept them. Her status triggered a memory within me and even if it was not totally related to her message, it still showed how people, even someone like me who is quite passionate about such causes can easily make mistakes.
During one of my school runs when I was still living in Brisbane, I noticed this little kid stumble and fall in front of me. Despite my immediate urge to pick him up and comfort him, I had to follow the norms of the society that I was living in and approached the little kid and asked him if he needed any help. He shrank back from me and replied in a very curt little tone "No thanks". I was not put off by his behaviour, indeed I was amazed that his parents had instilled in him a strong awareness of strangers - something that I never managed to do with both of my kids. I noticed his mother standing a few yards away - she neither called out to him, nor reached out to him when he stumbled. She was standing with a fixed smile on her face - as I walked past her, I looked at her and told her quite appreciatively that her son was indeed doing great with strangers. She merely looked away - and now that I found quite strange and quite snubbed by her action as most mothers with kids going to the same school share an air of comraderie. Most of us even if we have not met before would have a smile or a wave to share when we look directly into people's faces. I hastily shrugged away the incident, especially not allowing the sour aftertaste spoil the day for me.
Two days later, I spotted the mother at the school office and then I quickly realised why she ignored me the other day. She was in fact miming to the admin lady. She was mute and what I mistook for her snobbery was merely her armour in shielding her limitation from strangers. She probably did not want attention in the form of condescending pity or embarassed politeness when people came to know of her affliction. For a minute, I stood there in deep regret and was indeed kicking myself for hastily jumping to conclusions about people, especially strangers I hardly know.
Around the same time, I watched a movie from the 80's "Children of a lesser God" - quite a touching tale about the relationship between a speech teacher and a hearing impaired ex-pupil of the school (had to grudgingly admit William Hurt into the ranks of Liam Neeson, atleast in my opinion). It was not the movie with its stellar cast or scintillating performances that captured my attention, nor the fact that the leading lady (the youngest female Academy winner, think the record still holds good) was deaf in real life as well or this movie had strong echoes of the tamil movie "Mozhie" but it was indeed the title that got me thinking.
"Children of a lesser God" - perhaps this is indeed how the society treats people with special needs. But who are the society? Is it not people just like you and me and are we guilty of this accusation? Perhaps we are......maybe as parents, have we not cringed visibly when we come across mentally handicapped children worried that something might trigger off the excitement in these kids causing them to act agitatedly and disturb our own kids? In all honesty, despite our sympathies and true feelings towards such kids and adults, do we not prefer to overlook them so we feel less guilty - perhaps similar to survivor syndrome for better comparison. Even in countries where governments and communities do their best to cater for such kids and adults, there is indeed a stigma in the society, preconceived notions when it comes to them. They have somehow unwittingly been relegated to the position of second class citizens in any society.
Having said this, I have to admit I once confused a blind person in the name of offering help and stuffed up his internal sense of radar. Now I think twice before helping (or unwittingly hindering) people in such situations. So is it really our lack of concern for such people - or truly our lack of awareness in learning how to behave towards them or treat them? Could our own limitations towards understanding what is required, our own fears of invoking anxiety or perhaps further difficulties in such people be misconstrued as indifference or unacceptance. I am perhaps playing the devil's advocate here - but there is definitely another side to the coin that offers compelling evidence which cannot be overlooked.
I see in small communities, especially like the ones I live, that several programmes are in place to incorporate such kids and adults with special needs into the society. Perhaps all we need to do is shed our inhibitions and fears and accept them as they are meant to be - equals in our own eyes and that of His.
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