The celestial forecast.....

“If the people were a little more ignorant, astrology would flourish - if a little more enlightened, religion would perish”

-Robert Green Ingersoll

My mother used to dabble in astrology while I was a kid. There is no doubt that the Indian society is truly well under the influence of this branch of science (if I might brave the cynical laughter of my so-called scientist husband, Anna), however I never understood what sparked her interest in this particular field. It would have been easier to comprehend if she had spent her money on knowing her own fortune but instead I used to find books strewn around and she engaged in demystifying the celestial complexities or deciphering their impact on one’s destiny. Besides, this was before the publishing success of "anything for dummies" age, so I indeed pitied her for subjecting herself voluntarily to the tyranny of such a complex field.

She started off by holding court in family gatherings, marriages, but very soon I found neighbours flocking to our house for her parlour tricks. Well, I could never have said this directly to her face…..er anxious of being deprived of our next meal, my dad and I used to snigger behind her back treating it as our own private joke. It was hard to figure out if her predictions came true, but perhaps being a shrewd and smart woman, she probably had her bases covered quite well, so she always had people coming back for more (or perhaps she always read for free :)). I would have supported her probably if she had extended her kindness in reading my fortune but perhaps out of her deep-rooted fears in prophesying the future of her progeny, I was always left out of the loop. Perhaps, call it the "these grapes are sour" syndrome or my own scepticism at this divining art, I soon lost interest in her pursuits and hoped her own interests will fizzle out once she gets caught up in her yen for something else. Does anyone wonder where I got my own restlessness from J

However, to my immense surprise, after I had got married and moved away, I found that she indeed took astrology quite seriously and soon attended courses and became a registered astrologist. I was indeed impressed for someone with very little formal education, she persevered and mastered this art, given its basis for some serious computation. Contrary to her old behaviour, perhaps fuelled by her new found confidence and infallible credentials, I now discovered she was more forthcoming when it came to me. My mother was on a roll here especially when it came to forecasting my future.

To my dismay, I have been finding out her predictions are taking place but sadly with a reciprocal effect. The day she says I will have a brilliant presentation, I find despite my natural skills at excelling in presentations, I fumble and make a very dismal show. A reunion with a long-lost friend almost ends up in a falling-out and silent treatment from a beloved mate; tidings of good news turns out to be a rejection letter from a job that I was almost sure to land with. Last September, towards the last week, she predicted I will be entering a period of emotional well-being and peace and I found quite to the contrary, I hit a big bout of depression and the period can truly be remembered as one of the worst periods of trauma I had encountered in all my 34 yrs of my life. To cap it all, she now has declared within the next few days, my stars will indeed shift position and I am going to be flooded with job offers. I hastily bite a retort, grit my teeth and attempt a dry run at humour telling her the only way I can be employed in this town is if I start my own business.

Sometimes, given the bleak and dull routine my days seems to take lately and no trace of immediate hope in the horizon, I am tempted to dwell on her prophecies and would like to take comfort in knowing if Lady Luck will indeed bestow her kindness on me. But then reality kicks in and I know if anything is going to help me during these dark moments of my life, it is indeed my own self-confidence and the support I am going to garner from my family and friends – and not some haphazard course of the stars. Oh yeah, somewhere all the academic qualifications with outstanding results (that I have collected over the years), my professional experience and my own go-getter personality ought to get a mention......anyway the truth is I make my own destiny.

Meanwhile I still humour my mother and listen to her celestial banter cheerfully, relieved that with her heavenly support system in place, she does not need me to offer her empty words of solace; my own feeble attempts at flippancy and light heartedness in maintaining the mask of well-being and normalcy, atleast where she is concerned, is already stretched beyond limits. Atleast I make her day even if her stars dont make mine :)

Mothers, are they???

"Simply having children does not make mothers."

-Anon

It was a lovely summer evening in Milan (Italy) and I was out enjoying a leisurely walk with a friend. We had just finished having an aperitivo (one of those lovely Italian "happy hour" customs where u pay for a drink and hit the all-you-can-eat buffet) and were walking along the street having a gelato. One of the nicest things about Italy (and most of Europe I believe) is that you can step out of your room, walk a few paces and be enveloped in something to delight your senses.....on this particular day, there was a band playing music and some people dancing in what seemed to be a street square.

While we stood there rooted to the spot, my attention was diverted by this little girl who appeared to be begging. Well, for someone like me given my roots, seeing little kids beg on the street was nothing new, but this was Italy and even though there were plenty of people busking around, I have hardly seen people approach you directly for money. Besides, the little girl did not have a needy look about her, she was indeed a cherub, 6 or 7 yrs old, dressed in a plain but clean frock.......rosy cheeks and a tiny body that still boasted of childish chubbiness.

I soon lost track of her as we continued walking down a few streets but while we were sitting down, waiting for a bus, I saw the little girl again. This time she was hurriedly eating a gelato and trailing behind a lady who was in a terrific temper.....it was clearly evident that the lady was very angry with the child. She stopped and yelled at the child in a language I could not decipher and the child scampered away and I could see her approaching few strangers seated on the other side and again ask them for money. The lady, whom I assume was the mother, given the compelling resemblance, was also standing and watching her. The little girl would turn back, her attention diverted from the dripping gelato, look at the mother and approach another stranger and do the begging act all over again.

It tore my heart practically - I am a mother too, I had left behind two kids back home but was able to relax here in a foreign land, rest at peace confident that they were in very good hands. But here was another kid, practically my daughter's age, forced to solicit complete strangers for money. My friend and I were completely at a loss, not understanding what was happening before us. Was it a one-off incident (as the child looked quite well-tended), perhaps the mother was forcing the child to get busfare? Was the gelato in the child's hands, a gift of love from the mother or just a bribe in getting her to do what the mother wanted? Were we too quick to jump to conclusions not knowing what was the story behind this lady or the child? Not that it would have been acceptable if the girl was put to begging by someone other than the mother, but still a tiny part of me, that believed "bad mother" was an oxymoron, wished that the lady was not the mother.

That night when I called my daughter to speak to her, my heart reached out to this unknown little girl and hoped and prayed fervently to whatever saint that watches over such little kids, that her innocence and childhood would not be ripped out of her prematurely before she reached her adult years.

A couple of days ago, I read that a 41 yr old Tasmanian woman has pimped her 12 yr old daughter to help her drug habits. The mother was a child abuse victim herself, so it is highly probable that the sanctity of the human body is lost to her and perhaps she views sex as nothing but a tool of manipulation or a means of getting money. But still as an abused child herself, the mother should have understood what it means to lose one's innocence at such a tender age. While there are protective and concerned mothers out there unintentionally losing their daughters to such preying monsters, here was a mother who chose to shower on her offspring, what she had endured as a child herself.

What is it that makes some mothers protect their off-springs at any cost and others to preserve themselves at the cost of their children? I see greed, avarice, addictions, societal pressure (I am still reeling in shock over the alleged involvement of the mother in the honour-killing of Nirupama Pathak's case) and in some genuine cases, poverty pushing mothers to play a role that most of us find it not just hard to fathom but given our protective and nurtured upbringing hard to digest as well. What pushes these mothers over the edge; what makes them cross over? Are the rest of us, passing judgement on these women truly different from them or do we (regardless of what culture or upbringing we might have had) have the seed of such perversity dormant in us waiting for an inopportune or weak moment to manifest in ourselves?

It is indeed sad that when people around the whole world are celebrating Mother's day in honour of motherhood, glorifying the traits of mothers and paying tributes to them, some kids will never be able to look upon this day as such. Childhood is such a precious gift and when kids are made to outgrow this early through no fault of theirs and especially by the mothers who are meant to cherish and protect them - what can I say, it is indeed a shameful and pitiable world that we live in.

PS: I do realise the content of my blogs are getting heavier and heavier (and lengthier too:)) by every post......in all likelihood, it is turning out to be a community-watch :) I apologize but sometimes the happenings in the society do influence me greatly and hence my writings too......we do not live in an insular world unfortunately !!!!

Children of a lesser God???

"The message I'll share...is that inclusion is extremely important for kids with and without disabilities."
- Clay Aiken

A week ago, one of my friends had a facebook status about children with special needs and how people need to understand and accept them. Her status triggered a memory within me and even if it was not totally related to her message, it still showed how people, even someone like me who is quite passionate about such causes can easily make mistakes.

During one of my school runs when I was still living in Brisbane, I noticed this little kid stumble and fall in front of me. Despite my immediate urge to pick him up and comfort him, I had to follow the norms of the society that I was living in and approached the little kid and asked him if he needed any help. He shrank back from me and replied in a very curt little tone "No thanks". I was not put off by his behaviour, indeed I was amazed that his parents had instilled in him a strong awareness of strangers - something that I never managed to do with both of my kids. I noticed his mother standing a few yards away - she neither called out to him, nor reached out to him when he stumbled. She was standing with a fixed smile on her face - as I walked past her, I looked at her and told her quite appreciatively that her son was indeed doing great with strangers. She merely looked away - and now that I found quite strange and quite snubbed by her action as most mothers with kids going to the same school share an air of comraderie. Most of us even if we have not met before would have a smile or a wave to share when we look directly into people's faces. I hastily shrugged away the incident, especially not allowing the sour aftertaste spoil the day for me.

Two days later, I spotted the mother at the school office and then I quickly realised why she ignored me the other day. She was in fact miming to the admin lady. She was mute and what I mistook for her snobbery was merely her armour in shielding her limitation from strangers. She probably did not want attention in the form of condescending pity or embarassed politeness when people came to know of her affliction. For a minute, I stood there in deep regret and was indeed kicking myself for hastily jumping to conclusions about people, especially strangers I hardly know.

Around the same time, I watched a movie from the 80's "Children of a lesser God" - quite a touching tale about the relationship between a speech teacher and a hearing impaired ex-pupil of the school (had to grudgingly admit William Hurt into the ranks of Liam Neeson, atleast in my opinion). It was not the movie with its stellar cast or scintillating performances that captured my attention, nor the fact that the leading lady (the youngest female Academy winner, think the record still holds good) was deaf in real life as well or this movie had strong echoes of the tamil movie "Mozhie" but it was indeed the title that got me thinking.

"Children of a lesser God" - perhaps this is indeed how the society treats people with special needs. But who are the society? Is it not people just like you and me and are we guilty of this accusation? Perhaps we are......maybe as parents, have we not cringed visibly when we come across mentally handicapped children worried that something might trigger off the excitement in these kids causing them to act agitatedly and disturb our own kids? In all honesty, despite our sympathies and true feelings towards such kids and adults, do we not prefer to overlook them so we feel less guilty - perhaps similar to survivor syndrome for better comparison. Even in countries where governments and communities do their best to cater for such kids and adults, there is indeed a stigma in the society, preconceived notions when it comes to them. They have somehow unwittingly been relegated to the position of second class citizens in any society.

Having said this, I have to admit I once confused a blind person in the name of offering help and stuffed up his internal sense of radar. Now I think twice before helping (or unwittingly hindering) people in such situations. So is it really our lack of concern for such people - or truly our lack of awareness in learning how to behave towards them or treat them? Could our own limitations towards understanding what is required, our own fears of invoking anxiety or perhaps further difficulties in such people be misconstrued as indifference or unacceptance. I am perhaps playing the devil's advocate here - but there is definitely another side to the coin that offers compelling evidence which cannot be overlooked.

I see in small communities, especially like the ones I live, that several programmes are in place to incorporate such kids and adults with special needs into the society. Perhaps all we need to do is shed our inhibitions and fears and accept them as they are meant to be - equals in our own eyes and that of His.