- Ian Rush
I was watching the Spanish movie "Reinas" last night when I was reminded of the Italian language. The movie, littered with words that I could identify (given the similarities between the Spanish and Italian languages) transported me to my short sojourn in Italy last year. Everyone warns you about the French being Anglophobes but what I discovered was that the Italians do not fare any better. We were duly informed that we would be required to know the language to survive in the city but we had underestimated the gravity of the situation.
Having picked up enough phrases to get me from the airport to the hostel where I was going to stay, I thought I had done a good job. Little did I know my nightmare had hardly begun. I was dismayed to find out that shops had items carrying labels in Italian only. After a miserable experience of having switched conditioner for shampoo and lamenting on the lack of lather despite generous dollops of the stuff ( on that day I surely made a fashion statement for bad hairdos ), I decided to take more serious steps towards learning the language. However five months later when I hailed a taxi back to Milano Centrale Station, I realised I had become proficient only in one sentence having learnt to brandish it over and over "non parlo italiano" aka "I do not speak Italian".
We were provided Italian language classes where I did not understand the point of having an entrance exam to the classes especially for beginner sessions. Anyway, most of us having spent an hour of playing "Eeny meeny myny moe" in selecting the answers were grateful to be finally admitted to the classes. But very soon, I was getting bogged down with ennui as the classes were mere monologues carried out by our inexperienced teacher when compared to the highly interactive sessions in the neighbouring classroom. To my dismay, I learnt lovely Marcella, er...a true Italian fashionista as well, kept most of my classmates entertained with her Italian canzoni and impromptu play-acting sessions. One final day, I bowed out of my class when I realised I was getting more proficient in French than Italian. Everytime my teacher forced me to speak in Italian, I ended up talking French to her.......so I decided to give the teacher and myself a break. Despite the classes, most of us took to being chaperoned by our Spanish or Italian speaking friends for fear of mutilating the language and tired of being a "non parlo italiano".
The final test of my language skills arrived when I entered a "parrucchiere" on an impulse to do something drastic to my hair. Of course the hairstylist or any of his staff did not speak a word of English and I was wondering how I was ever going to mime what I wanted, when I noticed this sweet old Italian lady ( such occasions only happen once in a blue moon - in my experience you never can coin, sweet, lady or italian in the same sentence :) who knew "poco, poco" English and was able to translate what I wanted. It still brings a smile on my face when I remember my stricken expression when the lady departed and I found myself the last and the solo customer at the shop. The hairstylist shushed me when I started yet another one of my monologues. Instead I was ambushed by a string of Italian words, fast paced ammo of course that left me dizzy with weariness.....just listening to it, forget about translation...... but I managed to get "bellissimo" and "mi creda" and tried to calm myself. Indeed 20 mins later, after watching in silent agony, the locks of my very slim bounty strewn on the floor, I was greeted to a victorious "pronto" and truly a "bellissimo" hairstyle. I threw him a brilliant smile, voiced "gracie" over and over and walked away with my head held high and content that every cent of the forty euros I paid was worth it.
Despite my awkward experiences with the language, my stay in Italy will always be fondly remembered as one of the most treasurable moments of my life. And who said I cannot speak Italian.......after all, I got away knowing the best italian words of all "gelato" and "saldi" :)
In memory of Marcella's class :)
PS: No offense to any of my French or Italian friends :)
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