It never rains but pours.......

"So for the mother's sake the child was dear,
And dearer was the mother for the child."

- Coleridge

She let the phone ring for some more time, worried that her mother might come rushing only to hear it stop ringing.

No answer at the other end.

Her thoughts moved uneasily to the last time she had spoken with her. When she had heard her hypochondriac mother sound sick, she had promised to call her the next day to check up on her. But the week had pounced on her with an agenda of its own and she never got around to make that call. Today the guilt came rushing back. She hung up the phone with an unease that she could not shrug off. Half an hour later, she called to be greeted by empty silence again. Her uneasiness went up a notch again, but she consoled herself that her mother must have gone out.

The next day she gave a call as soon as the time difference allowed her to. It was still early morning and she knew her mother should be at home to take her call. Still no answer at home. She then hastily went around looking for her mother's mobile number and kicked herself for not thinking about that the previous day. Just as she was almost about to hang up the call, she heard the faint tinny "hello" cut across the static. Was she imagining or did her mother sound feeble?

With full of trepidation and alarm, the words came rushing out.....

-"Where are you? I have been calling home since yesterday"

- "I am not at home."

-"Where are you then?"

The syllables hung heavily in the air.

- I have been at the hospital since mid-week".

Anger and guilt competed within her, momentarily robbing her of her speech.

-"Why did you not tell me?"

-"Well, I did not want to alarm you."

She shook her head at the disbelief flooding through her. Her mother had not called her. She had not let her know that she was hospitalized in some misplaced sense of protecting her offspring.

She emptied her head of conflicting thoughts and brought her attention to the matter at hand and hastily inquired about her mother's health. As she heard her mother recount the days leading up to her hospitalization, she was slowly eaten by the helplessness of the situation. All those sleepless nights that her mother spent nursing her through every single childhood ailment of hers and yet today her mother was on her own relying on the generosity and benevolence of her neighbours and friends. Even though her mother had now recovered enough to be discharged from the hospital soon, what if the scenario repeats again?

This is pretty much the situation with most expatriates who have family behind and thousands of miles between them......every son and daughter's nightmare that they might not be there for their parents when the need arises. In her case, she did not even have siblings or extended family to take care of her mother. The choices she had made with her kids in mind has robbed her mother of her own daughter. Uprooting her mother from her zone of comfort had not worked before - even before her visa period had run out, her mother was itching to go back home to her own familiar surroundings. Her mind raced to the alternatives that could be considered, but each option sounded temporary and less hopeful to her tired self.

Is it not true, when it rains, it always pours........yet another situation to deal with, she hoped she would find the endurance to survive the latest development. Any semblance at normalcy seems to rush out of the window lately. She promised her mother she would call the next day and with a heavy heart, hung up her phone. She knew she would make that call.......never again would she push it to the back burner.......the umbilical cord relationship still reigns the supreme in the end.

Blues of Life.....

Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in our own sunshine.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

We decided to go on a drive over the weekend – a journey with no specific destination or agenda. Travelling on a route not taken before, we soon drove past small sleepy towns on the way. Just minutes into the drive, the bickering in the backseat soon died and pretty soon, the kids were fast asleep. Acres and acres of farmland stretched out by the road – especially with the canola flowers in bloom, most of these farms were so eye-catching with their yellow hues. The habitually dry and brown Aussie vegetation that peppered the scenery around this region, also seemed to have acquired a subtle and un-jarring beauty with the recent rains. The smooth grassy knolls were speckled with grazing sheep, its scenic beauty more resplendent in the golden sunlight. The land spoke of a harmony that was a soothing salve to an agitated mind searching some kind of repose.

If only some of us are capable of transferring this drive's tranquility to our biggest journey that we call life? Notwithstanding the fragility of lives and occasionally the brevity, we tend to cram our lives with disputes, ego issues, pettiness, antagonism, possessiveness, territorial atavism - the list continues. Knowing fully well that we never get out of it alive, we not only take life too seriously, but pitt our limited defenses, against all odds of swimming against the tide and in the end, exhaust ourselves of life's immense possibilities.

However, each one of us is unique - not just in our traits and behaviour but also when it comes to dealing with life's disappointments. There are some who, in doggedly following the fatalistic truth that all things are inevitably predetermined, exude a stoicism in the face of adversity that is greatly enviable. The hedonistic few, with escapism as their sole mantra, diligently immerse themselves in newer pursuits, carefully placing a gulf of distance between themselves and anything that reeks of guilt. However there is another lot, suffering from self-blame and an internal locus of control, that stay mired in the past, gazing at closed doors and broken dreams, unable to break out of the circle of their disappointments. Like Lot's wife, given their tenacious hold on the past, they get transformed into pillars of nothingness - exchanging their present for wispy memories of the past.

Tenacity is what's under discussion today - speaking of which, usually within minutes of coming into contact with me, people describe this quality as a commendable trait of mine. Unflattering images of an unyielding rottweiler is what used to strike me first, however lately I have learnt to populate my mind with the more appealing likes of the acorn-obsessed sabre-toothed squirrel Scrat, my Ice-age peer. Ah well I am digressing.....anyway what I would like to talk about is how this very quality may become somebody's rue.

This otherwise Samsonian trait can become debilitating in circumstances hindering people to move on, where every cell of their physiological and psychological make-up cries to them to hold on to the very situation that no longer works for them. Their very tendency to see things to closure might leave them conducting post-mortem analysis and bogged down in the quagmire of the past. By lacking the walk-away power, do they lose their objectivity or is it vice-versa, well maybe we are talking about a "chicken and egg" paradox here!!! Their inability to segue into changing circumstances only signals the slow demise of any kind of control they might have over their lives. Besides their very fugue like state might not be off any consolation to the crowds cheering on the sidelines.

What do we have to say to such people who, if I may borrow a phrase from a smart acquaintance of mine, refuse to stop picking at the threads of the material of the past? Well, if I know the answers to such million dollar questions, I would be minting money from copies of self-therapy books sold instead of slaving over a blog that hardly anyone reads :)

However for those out there who find living a struggle with the challenges that life throws your way and slide into depression as a result of broken dreams and broken relationships, there are souls who empathize with you, but still it is in your hands to take the first steps towards recovery. When you choose not to take your eyes off lost opportunities and unresolved issues, you miss the small slivers of silver lining that comes your way. Beat the blues, discover the courage to say "I can change" - learn to give up on people who gave up on you, on situations that leech your strength - after all the ones who matter are still there for you, patiently waiting for you to turn that corner. Mental illness is no longer a stigma in the society - described routinely as an epidemic, it is racing neck to neck with other debilitating diseases in human history. Support is available for those who need it - recognise the signs, look around and reach out for help.

Your battles against crippling depression might not be written in history, your battle scars might not win you accolades or medals for bravery, but to those around you - especially your near and dear ones, you matter and your life does. Do not let the black hound of depression and melancholia steal your life and cut short your lifeline prematurely; instead use your God-given strength of tenacity to work to your benefit - cling onto positive thoughts - after all happiness is an attitude of mind that can be practiced and learnt.

- Dedicated to the millions out there battling the blues of life everyday - your silent pleas of help are being heard !!! If anyone out there reading this blog comes across a person suffering from depression, take it upon yourself to give them a helping hand - a small selfless act of kindness on your part can do wonders in people's lives. Who knows you might have given them a new lease on life?

Something smells fishy.......

"We are just two lost souls, swimming in a fish bowl....."

- Pink Floyd

A few weeks ago, we welcomed our latest addition to the family. Usually people start by raising plants, then pets before they try their hands at parenting. We have just gone in the opposite direction......having had kids and seeing them none the worse for wear given our parenting skills; we decided to experiment with pets. Before I swelter under the scorching gaze of any of my RSPCA buddies, let me clarify my words. What I meant is our resolution at having no pets at home wavered a little around my girl's eighth birthday; we finally gave in and decided to get her a fish. I also had an evil plan up my sleeves – was planning to use the pet to lure her out of the hazy trances that she slips into under the influence of the TV.

Well, for those out there thinking along the same lines as me that fishes are low maintenance pets, ha ha.......please be prepared for a real eye-opener. I believed getting a fish bowl and a fish would do the job, sadly no......given the expenses I incurred, I might have instead fed the family on fish and chips for the whole month!!! Having had the brainwave strike at me whilst I was away at Melbourne, the poor pet had to survive 4 hours of grueling journey......on a scale of 1-10, both Mr. Red (you don’t need a high IQ score to figure out why he was named that) and I could have marked our experiences as extremely traumatic – especially with me not wanting the poor little fish and my dollars going down the drain.

When Mr. Red finally arrived at his new home, the kids were pretty excited at seeing the newcomer. However I should have known better given their short attention span with any new toy. When the fish and I were soon left staring at each other bereft of other company, the truth hit home.......now I have got an extra mouth to feed and to look after, thanks to the weakening of my resolve. Every morning when I walked in to check the fish bowl, I was worried I might be greeted by an upended Mr. Red. In fish lingo, that’s definitely a no-no…. definitely not the sign for a good day – and it spelt disaster in my world too. You don’t want a dead pet on your hands; try explaining it to a jury of my kids….I would rather face the children of the corn.

However I could not get rid of this definite vibe that there was something wrong with Mr.Red. Maybe I was imagining things, usually given my nerves and paranoia, it is no surprise……however extrapolating my neurotic fears to include shrinking fishes was a first even for me!!!! I seriously thought one day I was going to announce to the kids “Brats, I have shrunk the fish”…….every day I felt he was getting smaller and smaller. It is a syndrome that my family usually suffers at the expense of my culinary skills, but hey the fish wasn’t even sampling my wares and yet, I thought he was rapidly shrinking. And above all, he was getting lethargic as well and hardly swam. I was convinced that Mr.Red was experiencing the blues however I was told that fishes have short term memory…….mmm, despite the studies done on goldfish contradicting this theory, I readily lapped it up to ease my guilt. I obviously did not want him to remember any trauma that I might have unintentionally caused – though I am sure having me staring at him with baleful eyes ( assuming that glass distorts Mr.Red’s perceptions) every time I pass by him must have been really stressful for him.

Finally, a friend at work recommended getting a heater even though he wasn’t a tropical fish – not the friend, Mr. Red I mean……..so there came in another expense. Guess we must have been the only people to buy a tank heater for a fish bowl……and however ridiculous the heater looked jutting out of the bowl, the fish looked happy. He was back to his endless circles………yeah definitely easing a few of the worry creases from my face.

So it has been six weeks since the fish arrived home – I still wonder how he managed to survive this long given our care (or more so the lack of it). I have always been a person with an unbridled enthusiasm for aquariums – watching the fishes have always soothed me; however the enjoyment ratio with this little one is not quite the same – it is quite depressing watching him go around and around listlessly. But still no regrets, the kids are happy and they do remember to feed him always and also occasionally talk to him, contrary to my original assumptions.

Guess that’s all matters in the end.......worrying and carrying about another life, no matter how insignificant it might be or the least fitting into the matrix of your own personal needs. I am at times astounded by the ignominy of the treatment people show their counterparts in today’s world – they label their prejudice , bigotry, lack of empathy or simply bad manners under a lot of headings – religion, culture, race, ethnicity, skin-colour, language, busy life-style and so on. We cannot right all the wrongs in the world in one go, but perhaps we can leave a legacy behind through our own kids by teaching them to practice humanity at any cost. Perhaps this is where pets can be of some real help as well…..they can teach kids to be sensitive and attuned to needs that are not voiced explicitly. I am perhaps overstretching (no doubts there !!!) - from pets this blog has gone to help provide triage for human problems out there........and I have been chastised only recently not to let the blog wander,, but hey, I have got the memory of a fish :) Anyway every journey starts with a few steps.

Happy Trails!!!